Dementia affects different people in different ways, partly because there are different types of dementia, partly because it can depend on your husband’s physical health and partly because of unknown forces such as genetics etc.

Most types of dementia involve impaired memory and there are 3 stages to this. The first stage your husband may be aware that he is forgetting things, so becomes efficient at compensating gaps in memory. This can be put down to normal forgetting, as we grow older. Keeping a diary and making lists can be useful at this stage.

The second stage is more difficult to hide and it becomes obvious that short term memory is badly affected and you will find that your husband repeats questions and comments. He may lose interest in things he used to enjoy and withdraw from social events as he could find them difficult. It is important for you both to maintain a social network, so this will need working on with kindness and consideration.

In the third stage your husband’s memory may become severely impaired. His ability to think and communicate will decline. It may get to the stage where he could need daily supervision or full time supervision in order to be safe and bathing and dressing could become difficult.

Early onset dementia is a term used for people under the age of 65yrs being diagnosed with dementia. That said, there are a few cases of people in their late 30s with Alzheimer’s Disease.

There is no “normal” because each couple is different. Some couples continue to enjoy the sexual relationship they have always had, whilst others notice changes. Intimacy doesn’t always mean sex in the way we once knew. So if changes do occur, finding comfort and pleasure in touching and being close is a positive thing. Meanwhile, as long as you are both happy to continue having sex then there is no reason to stop.

Children will sense that something is wrong. This can cause confusion and all sorts of emotional reactions if they are kept in the dark. Therefore it is wise to tell them what is happening even if they get upset. We tend to underestimate our children, but being honest and clear and giving them space to ask questions and talk about their own feelings is the sensible thing to do. These feelings may include anxiety, fear and even irritation at the repeated questions. This is normal and nothing to feel guilty about. By explaining their grandmother’s unusual behaviour they will learn how to handle it in a way that may surprise the rest of the family. Although this is a difficult time, your grandchildren will learn new skills in communication and how to handle challenges. And remember, they can still have fun and laugh with their grandmother, even if things are different.

Pick’s disease is the presence of distorted fibres in the brain, which are called Pick’s bodies and are straight fibres instead of paired or helical fibres. They destroy nerve cells in the brain. This is a neurodegenerative disease that results in shrinkage (atrophy) in the frontal lobe and the temporal lobe of the brain. The symptoms are loss of speech (aphasia); behavioural changes such as inappropriate social conduct; changes in thinking; inertia and wandering.

Alzheimer’s Disease doesn’t just affect memory. Symptoms can also include mood swings, confusion, personality changes, wandering, loss of inhibitions, language disturbances (aphasia), motor activities may be impaired (apraxia), problems with thinking and identification (agnosia). Alzheimer’s Disease affects the whole brain, so many functions can be impaired.

Multiple Sclerosis is an inflammatory disease whereby myelin (the insulation around nerve cells) is damaged. This means that signals between the nerve cells are impaired which leads to problems with neurological functions such as vision, sensation, speech, swallowing, movement and muscles and can be painful.

Huntington’s Disease affects the central nervous system and is due to a faulty gene that produces a protein, which damages nerve cells in the brain. This results in physical problems such us involuntary muscular movements; mental problems such as lack of concentration and poor short-term memory; and emotional problems including changes in mood that is sometimes aggressive.

Parkinson’s Disease is another degenerative disorder that destroys dopamine-generating cells. This affects movement and presents as shaking, rigidity and slowness as well as impaired thinking, changes in behaviour and emotions that include sleep disturbance and dementia with Lewy Bodies (an abnormal protein found in nerve cells).

No this is not evil. You are trying to cope with a very difficult situation and you are bound to go through all sorts of emotions. It’s a good idea to speak to your GP and local authority to find out what help is available. Tell them you can no longer cope and you need help now.